Yesterday i tried to do some bits on the computer but i literally feel braindead sometimes. This is brainfog on a different level. I also feel like my eyesight has significantly deteriorated since I had the operation. I must get this checked.The scar is quite itchy.
I try day to day to pick up the pieces of my life. This is good therapy for me. Pardon me if my writing seems confused. I am going to go right back to the start to journal what I remember.
I brought far too much to the hospital. I remember thinking “God, most people get to go to the hospital to have a baby. At least they get a prize at the end. What will i get.. a new scar”.
My elderly parents dropped me to the hospital where we had lunch. I felt quite guilty in a way to put this burden upon them. Having not being in a relationship at the time. I brought a suitcase. We then went up to the ward to check in. I was given a bracelet and shown to my bed. I don’t think there were many women around at that point. My parents probably stayed about another 20 minutes. We said our goodbyes. It was at this point that it began to get real.
It was just me on the ward at that point. There was a girl to the left of me with her mother. She was talking to doctors and I was eavesdropping. From what I could make out she was having a gallbladder procedure. I remember the doctor explaining this was very painful. She was also having something done to her heart.
A couple of nurses came here and there to check on me. They told me i would have my last meal at 6pm and i was to not eat from that point until the operation. I wondered around the hospital a bit to get my bearings. I watched as the ward slowly filled up.
A couple of different doctors came to visit. There was so many of the it was hard to keep track. I tried to get comfortable and get used to where everything was.
I specifically remember the anaesthetist paying me a visit around this time. He was a very serious Japanese guy. He kind of sobered me up and brought me to the reality of what was about to occur. He said to me it was really important that I get a good night sleep, the night before the operation, otherwise it is not good if I was “stressed” in the operation. This freaked me out somewhat. I shook his hand and he said “don’t worry we will take good care of you”.
After this I think I had a bit of a cry. It was all getting a bit much. I spoke to the nurse about getting a sleeping tablet for later. She said she would ask doctor. I also had a nurse come and give me this solution. She said I was to wash myself with it that night, including my hair and I was also to wash myself again in the morning. An impending sense of doom began to arise within me.
I had my dinner around 6. I remember being pleasantly surprised by it. Later in the evening they moved me to another ward. This ward was full of ladies and some that that had just come from surgery. I remember directly across from me there was an Indian lady. She had a tube up her nose and looked to be in a lot of pain. She had a morphine button which she kept pressing. I remember the staff came and a placed a board under her to take an x-ray. I did try to talk to her but I don’t think her English was that great . She mentioned something about a valve.
To the left of my bed was an elderly English lady. She introduced herself and said she had heart failure. She had a scar where she had a procedure. I think it was something to do with her aorta.
I tried to settle but it was quite a weird and unsettling experience. I was watching my programmes on my phone and tried to do some reading. I went and had my shower and then later the nurse came with my sleeping tablet. I’m glad it wasn’t temazepam. It was a mild sleeping tablet. I drifted off into a lovely sleep but I was still awoken throughout the night for the nurse to do their checks.
sindypiper8 